i legitimately almost (ish) gave this to someone, but instead rewrote it so that i’d feel slightly less of a fool.  going through files on my old computer, i realize that it ought not go to waste and my ladies back america might like it.  note that i never had to power to finish it, instead simply resolved that subject #1 had once made fun of me for being a sap.  probably a good thing i never sent it, then.  xoxomg.